What's right, what's wrong and what's religious?
Once upon a time a man went around giving little slips of paper out. If you bought one from him you could get out of purgatory. Was it right to do that? How did we figure out if it was wrong?
I ask the question treading on some very odd territory for myself. I have always believed in the institution of marriage. However, now that it has been so nailed down as a religious act I have started to wonder why non-Christians do it. Is it right for non-believers to marry? What does it even mean to marry? And finally, the question that I struggle the most with is this: If a boy and a girl love each other and make that known to others, commit to being with each other forever and consimate that love are they living in sin? That is, are they sinning if they never get it down on paper or kiss in a chapel?
This thought exists in my mind because more and more people are choosing this option. They have given up on the institution of marriage. Their parents got married and they got divorced in record numbers.. I laugh when religious institutions say they are trying to defend marriages from homosexuals. They obviously don't seem to think about the fact that divorces in the "Christian nation" has already destroyed the practice. Marriage, in it's current form, has lost. It's a casualty of our un-Christian and crappy-Christian culture.
So I ask. Is it wrong. If you celebrate Christmas all year long but not on December 25 is it sin? Maybe you are just sick of all the fuss made over it? Think about it. White dress: $500-$4,000. Suits: $100-$1,000. Venue:$1,000-10,000. Photographer: $200-$8,000. anywhere from 6 months to years of planning. The wedding industry is great for the economy but is it really good for us? I'm starting to wonder..
My friend has been talking to me about his girlfriend and how he is committed to not marring her. But he doesn't seem to be a flake or uncommitted to her. He just hates marriage and in a world that is completely un-committed to the act I don't think he always sees the benefits. I definitely don't always see them in the world. I will say that I do see them in my own marriage and I love being married but I don't like what we have done to this thing called marriage. It's a sad joke it seems and our children are the ones suffering for it.
I will say this with conviction: Divorce is and will always be wrong. In the case of abuse or cheating it is necessary but it is still wrong. NECESSARY! but sadly wrong.
So what is marriage? After you take away all of the religious practices? (Which I like ceremonies so don't get me wrong.) It is pure and simple. Marriage is when a man leaves his past behind and becomes one with his wife. Oddly the wife comes before the marriage (Gen 2:24). I like the idea though. My wife was always my wife, I just finally caught up with her and committed.
So as you all can see I have confused and scattered ideas on the whole thing. Let me know what you think. And, for now, if you have a friend as I do who isn't married to his wife maybe stop condemning him for it and instead encourage him to be faithful and committed to her. Who knows, they might be better off than your some-day-divorced friends.
Seriously though. Call me out. I realize I'm pushing some boundaries. Or just comment. With the divorce rate where it is this topic deserves some thought.
Reference
www.psychologytoday.com/basics/marriage
The quote in the title is from Fight Club the movie.
Listening to "It's All Understood" by Jack Johnson
My cousin referred this book. It looks like great resource. Amazon has a very large "look inside". The first 76 pages I think. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0525952470/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=
ReplyDeleteWhat you are talking about is valuing "form" over "essence". It's something that I have issues with across all of Christiandom. Blame it on whatever you want (American Capitalism, old outdated traditions, plain old fashioned legalism), the truth is that American Christians are OBSESSED with form over essence. You have to go to church every Sunday, your politcal beliefs have to be Conservative Republican, you can only listen to Christian music, you can't put your kids in public school, and so on. We vomit all of this crap about the stuff we have to DO to be a Christian, spiritual, whatever.
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail right on the head when you said, "I laugh when religious institutions say they are trying to defend marriages from homosexuals. They obviously don't seem to think about the fact that divorces in the "Christian nation" has already destroyed the practice." Classic example of Christian blindness due to "logs in the eye".
I understand your struggle Daniel. I promise you, it is mine too. I too struggle with the issue of physical relations before marriage. Why do you need a legal piece of paper to commit to each other for life?
I have come to terms with the whole "form" and "essence" thing (sort of), and I'm going to try and explain it. The problem with churches nowadays is (I think) the same as it always has been. We are too concerned with form. We do all these "spiritual" things like go to church every Sunday, and yet our lives are a mess. We get married according to the spiritual script, and yet Christian divorce rates are comparable to secular rates. There is no essence to go along with the form. God is not at the center of the marriage. That spiritual force, that undying grace. Marriage cannot survive or thrive without that. Marriage (form) cannot survive without essence (God, Christ, Holy Spirit, whatever). The tangible cannot survive (or is worthless and hypocritical) without the intangible.
However, people like you and I run a risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Just like you can't have form without essence, essence cannot be totally devoid of form. Our human minds are tangible, with a sense of the intangible. We physically can't live totally in the intangible world in our current forms. Somewhere along the way we have to start giving a little bit of form to the essence. THAT is where I think marriage comes in. No, you don't have to have a legal piece of paper to commit to someone for life. But the public act of the ceremony gives a little bit of tangible, and I think visual, meaning to something that defies all our attempts at defining it. Marriage will never be the wedding ceremony or marriage license, just like Communion will never be the physical blood and body of Christ that was mutilated for us. That simultaneously makes the "form" important and not as important. Without essence, form is worthless. Without form, essence is even harder to wrap our minds around. We are left floating around, not sure what is "marriage" and what isn't. The perfect melding of the two gives us a tangible (yet limited) view of that all powerful, unnamable, and unknowable force.
Hope that's not too deep. I hope it makes sense. It's how I've come to terms with marriage and other things in our Christian lives. Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot we need to change. For instance, I think marriage needs to be encouraged at a young age instead of being something you don't do till you are "financially secure" or any other such B.S.
ANYWAY. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Daniel. Remember that form is important too (though arguably less important). I shall endeavor to remember it along with you. :)
This is true. Something messy happens when everything is just floating around in space. I do believe in ceremonies too. I believe in what they mean but if you don't know what they mean than their isn't much use for them. That's why it's important to think about what it all means instead of just going with the flow.
DeleteI found this sight and it was useful. http://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html
and throwing babies out is just bad news.